Couples Therapy
We are born into relationship. We are wounded in relationship.
We can therefore only fully heal in relationship. (H. Hendrix)
Is couples therapy for you? Is your relationship in trouble? Are you wondering how the person you fell in love with became a stranger behind a mask? Or perhaps you are a couple preparing for commitment. It could be that you're single and tired of dead end relationships that don't meet your needs.
Common relationship spirals: We are taught that when we fall in love, the feeling is supposed to last forever. We meet the person of our dreams and a magical transformation takes place within us. We feel alive, whole, connected to the world and the people in it. Then, before we know it, that magical feeling disappears. Disillusioned, our dreams shattered, we begin to feel angry and betrayed. Soon we find ourselves:
- Trying to coerce our partners into giving us what we need. We criticize, we withdraw, we shame, we intimidate, we cry. Or sometimes just the opposite. We enter into a dead zone, where it seems like there are no emotions at all.
- Feeling entitled to wait for our partner to come alive first. Some of us go on locked in this painful power struggle for years until we either break up or seek help, desperate to regain the magic we once had. Next thing we know we are locked in a power struggle.
- No longer listening to each other. We no longer try to really hear each other. And we certainly don’t take any responsibility for trying to make ourselves understood. We expect our partners to be mind readers.
- Unintentionally triggering each other into emotional reactions that really have very little to do with the issue at hand. Then the issue gets out of hand and everyone ends up feeling confused and hurt. And very lonely.
- Running from the very intimacy and feeling of safety we most yearn for. We exit into careers, affairs, computers, hobbies, drinking, drugging, friends, and the kids. Not to mention the whole extended family.
Does this describe the relationship you're currently in? Would you like to restore some of the passion and intimacy you once had?
What is my relationship therapy approach: The relationship therapy I offer assumes that both partners come into relationship with their life experiences. They each have baggage and patterns of reacting born of old wounds (often related to childhood). And when these respective heaps of baggage get merged, couples often end up with a big heap of garbage in the middle.
In my work, we explore the emotional dynamics and patterns that play out in your relationship(s). We will uncover the individual triggers or wounds that have contributed to the collective heap that is challenging your relationship. We will explore reactions that are typical when each of you gets triggered. We will identify strategies to effectively communicate, and even heal, the triggers and wounds. I will teach you how to relate to your partner, and yourself, in a more nurturing, safe, loving and honest way so that together you can grow into deeper, more fulfilling love.
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